Day 76

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it ~ Henry Ford

I’m not entirely sure what the above quote is saying really, but it sounded good. Is it saying it’s better to take the harder road, it will get you places?

I didn’t have time to do my meditation this morning before work, because I slept in (intentionally, I needed it), and then left for work as soon as I’d eaten breakfast (crumpets with jam and honey!). If I’d tried to meditate this morning, I’m pretty sure I would have fallen asleep!

But, I got through today. Not that it was stressful, it wasn’t at all, actually, it was quite laid back and I got a whole lot done. But I had a really horrible night’s sleep last night. I woke up when my husband came to bed about 12:30 or 1 and I couldn’t get back to sleep for at least 2 hours. I was wide awake, and then I was hungry which kept me awake, and then my mind wouldn’t shut up and turn off, and instead it started thinking/worrying about stuff at work that it really didn’t need to worry about at 2:30am because there was nothing I could do about it anyway! and I knew that. I kept trying to tell my brain to shut up, to go to sleep, to not worry about the things it was worrying about which were silly and inconsequential and nothing really to worry about. But it wouldn’t listen, despite me counting sheep (or attempting to), breathing deeply, and trying to meditate. Eventually I fell alseep around 4am and had really weird, anxiety ridden dreams.

Needless to say I was tired today! But I got through the work day on 2 cups of coffee (a left over mocha from last night, and a cream-filled drip coffee from the work Keurig machine, and I ended the day, after I finished work, by doing my daily asana practice – this time I managed to draw it out for 26 minutes (but that was with throwing a bound angle and a supported fish pose in).  I’m pretty sure it goes by quickly when I’m not saying my verbal cues out loud. And I couldn’t today because there were some people practicing martial arts in the room too, so I would have seemed like a crazy person talking to myself! I was doing it on some Judo mats, which are very soft and squishy – so my balance postures of Palm Tree and Tree pose were more challenging than usual (and they’re challenging at the best of times!) because my support was not as solid, so I was a bit wobbly.

I did my Om, grounding and connecting me to my practice and space, and my pranayama when I got home (struggling with my Agni Sar Dhouti exercise and my Kapala Bhati again – I couldn’t seem to find the breath or rhythm again for some reason! Maybe because I’m rushing for some reason? but why would I feel I need to rush through my practice?  hmmm, things to ponder). Then I ended with my 10 minute natural breath meditation where I tried to focus on mantras on the inhale and exhale. On the inhale I said (to myself) ‘I breathe in Universal Love’ and on the exhale, ‘I breathe out Gratitude’, concentrating on feeling my breath fill me up, and then ‘deflate’ me on the way out. For some reason, I noticed half way through my meditation, I had started doing Ujjayi breath – the subtle ocean sounding breath, in and out, with my throat slightly constricted! I didn’t even realize I’d started to do that. It was very bizarre! (but kind of cool!).

My mind did get a bit distracted with thoughts, but I think I caught them fairly early and was able to move back to my focus on my breath for the most part, and  was able to concentrate on my breathing in love and exhaling gratitude, being thankful to take the time for myself on my mat, my little oasis.




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